10 avr. 2008

Péagière d'autoroute...


Bonjour. Faut que j'vous parle. J'suis trop triste. Trop triste. Vous n'imaginez pas la peine qui est en moi. J'espère résoudre ça au plus vite. Et va bientôt falloir que je ressorte mes actions Lotus. Je sais que votre esprit fin de psychologie va m'aider, je vous en remercie d'avance.



Je vous explique la situation. Je suis étudiante, et donc, je bosse pour avoir mes exams. Je bosse aussi à côté pour aider mes parents. Le boulot d'aide aux devoirs est agréable. Mais y'a des choses moins épanouissantes que je ne vous raconte pas forcément. Enfin, j'me prostitue pas non plus, hein, ne fuyez pas. Enfin j'suis pas là pour me plaindre, je comprends bien qu'il faille aider, financièrement, parce qu'ils me donnent beaucoup.




Comme tout étudiante qui se respecte, avant d'être une super CPE de la mort, je devais bosser cet été. Très bien, bosser c'est chouette. Ca donne de l'argent, et de l'expérience professionnelle, mais bon, il faut des vacances aussi (juste un ti peu). Pas difficile de trouver un peu de vacances en 4 mois (oui les exams finissent en mai et on reprend fin septembre, si tout va bien). L'aide aux devoirs se termine fin juin tout de même. Donc j'envoie des CV et LM un peu partout, et ce matin, y'a quelqu'un, i m'appelle. A 9h alors que je me suis couchée vers les 4h du mat'. Au reveil, cash.



"Mr X :
Bonjour Monsieur X de la société de péage d'autoroute, je vous appelle suite à votre candidature.
Cpechou : (Oui candidatuuure attends que j'me souvienne... Ah oui ! Ca y'est !) Mouiii, bonjour...
Mr X : Alors c'est toujours d'accord ?
Cpechou : Ben, oui ...
Mr X : Donc ça sera du 26 juin au 11 aout. Nous pouvons vous rencontrer ?
Cpechou : Euhh... Oui, bien sûr, quand ?
Mr X : Aujourd'hui, vers 16h...
Cpechou : (Cogite cogite... 16h, oui, non peut-être enfin je sais pas. ) Ok. Allons-y..."


Alors, je tente de joindre mes parents pour les prévenir... Et eux, ils partent du 4 août au 17 août. Donc, en gros, si vous avez bien compris, c'est râpé pour les vacances.



Puis vient le rendez vous à 16h. De toute manière, même si le coeur y était, impossibilité de refuser l'emploi. Vous vous rendez compte, ne pas travailler cet été...


Comme je sais quand même bien jouer le rôle de la nana super intéressée, je souris, j'acquiesce, je fais tout bien. Donc, ben ça passe, on remplit des papiers, et moi, je pense à tout ce que je vais louper durant ces vacances. Mais le pire est à venir. Tenez vous bien.


Je devrais porter cet affreux gilet jaune fluorescent. Une sorte de protection m'a t-elle dit. En gros ça sert plus à voir si on est étendu sur la voie ou encore debout. Et ça fait moche... Trèèès moche. Horriblement laid. Affreusement ignoble... Et je vais devoir porter ça. Le premier qui s'fout de ma gueule, c'est deux baffes. Alors, j'adopterai la tenue du combattant.





Je vais aussi travailler de nuit. Et du matin. Relève à 5h. Aie aie aieuuuhhhhhhh. C'est une fatalité. Pendant que ces morveux seront en train de se dorer la pilule au soleil, je trainerai ma grolle pour vagabonder d'une cabine à une autre, supporter les clients bronzés qui reviennent de vacances, les chauffeurs de camion poilus et barbus qui ne se sont pas lavés depuis 3 jours (Ouppss pardon), les gens hautains qui nous prennent pour des merdes, les habitués du boulot qui détestent les stagiaires qui ne comprennent rien, et pire, les chefs. Oui, parce que même durant un emploi saisonnier, on a des chefs. Et aussi, instabilité de l'emploi. Du jour au lendemain, on peut me dire tu seras du matin, de l'après midi, de nuit... Limite comme une CPE. Faut être toujours prête à surgir. Si un client m'attend, par exemple, ou un collègue malade...



Je devrais me tenir prête à bondir à son secours tel Roméo bondissait pour sauver Juliette. Sauf que je n'y mettrai pas le même romantisme, surtout à 5h du mat'. Super CPE de la mort... Jusqu'au bout. Bon ben désolée Walter, pour le moment, ça sera super gardienne de péage de la mort.



Et c'est le système des 3-8. Parce que j'me souviens, à mon ancien boulot, en bureau d'étude, quand les chefs ils étaient partis, on pouvait déconner. Du style, bataille d'élastiques. Roulement de chaise sur toute la longueur de la pièce. Pause café toute les 20 minutes. Putain c'était super drôle. Là, je vais m'ennuyer à mourir au milieu de la nuit dans ma cabine.


J'aurai de nouvelles expériences à vous raconter, certainement. J'évoquerai Jean et mes autres hurluberlus avec émotion, mélancolie, et nostalgie pour vous raconter l'affreux poilu pas lavé qui ne m'aura pas salué le matin... Je créerai un nouveau blog, péagers d'autoroutes, comment se passer d'eux...


Euhh à celui là, je fais comme mes élèves
et j'insiste pour qu'il me dise bonjour
ou je laisse passer et j'ouvre la barrière sans
qu'il paye ??



Et j'aurai des nouvelles de mes parents. Qui me diront : Oh, ici, on a 35 °C. Ton frère est bronzé et il s'amuse comme un fou. Ecoute, on entend les cigales. Avec un peu de chance, je recevrai une carte postale. Avec un beau mec, dessus. Je la contemplerai. Baverai. Rêverai. Rhalala.



Bon, je relativise en me disant que le travail en équipe m'aidera pour le métier de CPE. Et être forcée à être aimable, tout le temps. Et aussi que ça va m'aider financièrement... Et aussi, je vais pouvoir travailler mon thym de voix. Lalalalallaaaaaa Lololololoooh Leleeeleleleleleleeeeh...


J'm'en fou. Moi, je veux y aller, en vacances. Alors, soit je me paye ma voiture et je descends. Ou je pique la voiture de mes parents, j'en sais rien. Mais descendre en train et ne pas pouvoir bouger, c'est pas la peine.

Je veux voir des gens que je n'ai pas souvent l'occasion de voir. Je veux sauter dans cette piscine et crier "Waazzzaaa" en sautant sur le matelas comme une cinglée. Je veux contempler les étoiles en compagnie d'un garçon pendant des heures. Je veux jouer à cette balançoire. Je veux voir le soleil. Je veux faire le marché en tongs. Je veuuuux pparrrtiiirrr là-baaaas. Euh.


Alors, pour résumer, et conclure par la même occasion. J'enchainerai le contrat avec le collège, par un nouveau contrat, le 27 juin avec une société de péage d'autoroute. Qui vont m'obliger à couper mon portable, à porter un gilet jaune fluo, m'arnaquer le salaire (ça je le sens), à croiser des visages antipathiques tout au long de la journée et malgré ça, rester aimable, à m'enfermer dans une cabine sous une chaleur éprouvante (oui bon j'ai le droit de rêver...)...






Vive l'autoroute, vive les péages, vive la République, vive la France, et vive la vie d'étudiante. Vraiment. C'était pas prévu comme ça, hein. C'est nul à chier. Moi, je veux retourner au lycée. Avec mes copines. Ma copine. Avec mes profs. Avec les surveillants. Avec ma CPE. Avec des gens qui nous considèrent. Et ne pas avoir à assurer financièrement. Et que l'éducation soit gratuite. Et que la vie soit facile, à peu près tout du moins. Etre une enfant... Juste quelques heures. Et... Pfffff. Assez...


J'veux pas porter cet affreux gilet.




105 commentaires:

Armand a dit…

Chère CPEchou,
Et si tu séduisais Sarko, le temps des vacances? Carla aura eu le temps de le neutraliser: je suppose qu'une ceinture de chasteté peut être adaptée à un homme. Ta vertu n'en souffrira donc pas trop...
Tu sais qu'il n'est pas mesquin pour ses dépenses en voyage!
Le seul inconvénient est le bruit des "bling-bling", mais tu as déjà écrit que tu aimais le bruit! ;)
Amitiés

nonolerobot a dit…

comme tu le dis tu vas te faire de l'argent. au fait, tu mentionnes sous forme de métaphore roméo bondissant pour sauver juliette, il faudrait trouver une autre image, si tu te souviens bien, roméo a manqué son coup

MamanCélib a dit…

Je l'ai fait pendant toutes mes vacances scolaires pendant 3 ans, donc, je connais bien ;-)

C'est fatigant, certes, mais au bout de 2/3 semaines, tu vas prendre l'habitude de dormir n'importe quand, quand tu en auras envie tellement ton horloge biologique est déstabilisée...

Tu vas avoir des tas d'anecdotes à raconter : tu en vois des vertes et des pas mures, vraiment ^_^

Et surtout, c'est SUPER bien payé pour un boulot étudiant, fais-moi confiance (grâce aux majorations, primes et autres choses qui font vite grimper la paye !)... et en plus, tu ne paieras pas l'autoroute, le temps de ton contrat, normalement...

Bon courage !

Brigitte a dit…

ça va être super ! plein de sous de coté alors que les autres auront les poches vides !

CPEchou a dit…

Réponse de cpechou

armand > Oh, cher Armand. J'y ai pensé mille fois, à le séduire... Mais finalement, toutes les vacances qu'il pourra m'offrir n'arriveront pas à la cheville de celles que je passe habituellement ! Amitiés

nonolerobot > Qui a dit que j'y arriverai ?

maman célib > Euuhh tu me fais peur avec tes vertes et tes pas mûres, c'est si tordu que ça ? Je suis au courant pour le salaire... C'est bien le seul point positif et pas besoin de passer l'autoroute pendant que j'y travaillerai...

Brigitte > On verra ça...

Le futur prof a dit…

J'ai une amie qui a fait ça quand elle été étudiante, elle m'a dit qu'en faite c'était pas trop mal (le travail de nuit est bien payé) et suivant où tu tombes, il y a un péquin toutes les dix minutes, donc tu peux lire pénarde (ou réviser, c'est ce qu'elle faisait aussi mais pendant l'été c'est moins possible).

Pis moi j'suis sur que le gilet il te vas super bien !

Je Rêve a dit…

Allez allez, courage ! On l'a tous fait, enchaîner les p'tits boulots l'été (et reprendre la fac sans avoir eu de vraies vacances, aussi), mais penser aux petits sous qui tombent ça fait quand même du bien...
Si ça te console, j'ai le même gilet dans ma ouature, ben si tu veux je l'enfilerai quand je passerai au péage, d'accord ? Juste pour toi !
;-)

Rosa Negra a dit…

Hello !

As-tu également essayé les banques ? J'ai fait ça pendant trois ans : ils prennent des auxiliaires de vacances pour remplacer les gens qui partent en congés. Inutile d'avoir de l'expérience : si tu te montres motivée et que tu apprends vite, ils ne rechignent pas à te montrer comment faire. Ils te placent à l'accueil, au guichet ou aux archives. C'est plutôt bien payé, mais tu ne peux travailler qu'un mois sur toutes les vacances (sauf si tu fais plusieurs banques).

Quant au fameux gilet jaune, je l'ai porté mais pas pour la même chose. Je l'ai porté pendant plusieurs mois lorsque je gardais la barrière de sécurité devant une école, le matin. C'est sûr qu'avec un truc pareil on ne peut qu'être remarqué, mais j'aimais bien le porter (ce n'est pas rien de s'occuper de la sécurité des têtes blondes ^^).

C'est vrai que ça ne va pas être simple, bosser de nuit et de matin pendant une grande partie des vacances, ne pas pouvoir partir avec ta famille, mais songe à tout l'argent que tu vas te faire. Et puis tu pourras peut-être en mettre une petite partie de côté (pas forcément beaucoup, mais petit à petit l'oiseau fait son nid) et dans quelques temps ce sera toi qui te paieras (seule ou avec une/des ami(e)s) de chouettes vacances loin de ta famille, ne serait-ce que pour quelques jours. ;-)

Et puis c'est une fierté de gagner son argent en bossant dur pendant que les autres sont en vacances (tu pourras dire que tu n'as pas volé tes gains ^^).

CPEchou a dit…

Réponse de cpechou :

Futur prof > Ah ben oui, ça paye bien, ça je sais. Mais je suis sûre qu'une nuit toute seule dans une cabine c'est plus chiant qu'un an avec un mec, t'imagine le degré !

Je rêve > Ouuaaaisss !! Enfin de la solidarité, merci mimi !!! Ah je rêve ;)

Rosa negra > Non je n'ai pas essayé les banques. C'est plus un boulot de jour, par conséquent bcp moins payé. JE suis plus du genre à concentrer et que ça soit le maximum bénéfique.
Bon pour le gilet jaune, je vois que ça devient presque coutume...

Avec l'argent, je vais me payer une voiture pour... aller en vacances, et je ne vais pas attendre des années : je termine le boulot et le lendemain je descends ! Nan mais faut pas abuser !

Merci à tous de vos commentaires ;)

BBK en plein délire a dit…

Râle pas, c'est hyper sexy ces gilets fluo... Et puis quand tu en portes un, tout le monde fait appel à toi. Y compris de charmant jeune homme qui a un souci avec son paiement de péage dans le joli coupé sport là bas ! Si tu n'avais pas eu ce magnifique gilet, tu n'aurais pas pu dépanner le magnifique jeune homme dans sa magnifique voiture !! Et vous partirez tous les deux en vacances au Caraïbes pour Noël ! C'est pas beau la vie !!

CPEchou a dit…

bbk > Euhh... Il me prête sa voiture pour partir en vacances, parce que ce mec là, c'est le genre à s'en faire 5 / jour... Tu crois que ça se négocie ?

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